Of Golden Butterflies
by Silvercrone
Summary: Natalie remembers her Nick.


Title: Of Golden Butterflies

Disclaimer: All the usual.

Archiving: Permission granted by author but please ask first.

OF GOLDEN BUTTERFLIES 01/01

By Silvercrone

Yes, I'm crying again. Dear Robert, he's been so patient, so understanding especially these past few days. In the almost thirty years of your marriage, he's always understood when on a beautiful day like this when the spring flowers are alive with color and those little golden butterflies dance on the breeze, the memories of my life before we met return and I sometimes cry.

It's really true; you never forget that first love. The memories might fade but they never really go away and when something forces them to the surface, that's the hardiest time of all. I've never forgotten mine and I know I never will. Oh, Robert knows I love him completely; deeply but...you were my first true love, Nick.

This necklace is the only thing I kept of our short life together. I sometimes wonder why I kept it all these many years. I guess it was to remind me that there was laughter as well as love before the sadness and the tears.

As I hold it in my hand the remembrance of that day, our first picnic together, comes clearly to my mind. The bright sun shining overhead, the scent of freshly mowed grass and fragrant flowers filled the air on that early summer day. You were so nervous, so frighten, I thought at any moment you were going to bolt and run for the cover of darkness. But once you felt secure in the knowledge you weren't going to implode, you relaxed. With selfish pride I watched as you began to really enjoy the warm sunshine and the glories of that day.

That look of excitement so like that of a kid in a candy store when you saw the assortment of foods packed in the picnic basket; fresh tomatoes with basil, fried chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy. There were so many you had never tasted before, you dived in literally tooth and nail. Oh, how I laughed at your dreamy, lost to the world expression as you savored your first taste of chocolate almond ice cream!

As we sat, full and warm, two little golden butterflies drew our attention as they played around the flowers near by us. Like a kid you delighted in watching their aerial antics as they whirled and twirled around the pale, yellow marigolds. I remembered you told me how they reminded you of the ones that flew in the fields you used to play in as a boy near your family's home.

About a week later, I recall, you came to me and handed me a small, beautifully wrapped package. With a look of child-like innocence, you stood by nervously watching while I unwrapped the package. On opening the box, I saw there on its deep purple velvet lining; two delicate butterflies of gold dancing about a sparkling chain.

Clearly as though it happened just yesterday, I can hear the sound of your voice when you explained to me that in your family, a token of betrothal wasn't a ring. You startled me even more when you sank down on your knees, took my hand in yours and asked me: "Will you marry me Natalie?"

When I took to long to answer for I was still in a state of shock, you started to apologize. Nick, you begged me to forgive the misunderstanding, you hadn't meant to assume so much about our relationship. And as I saw the shadow of doubt darken your face, I quickly placed my fingers on your lips to silence your sad and frightened words.

"Oh God yes Nick! Yes, I will marry you!" I cried out with all my heart and soul.

On hearing my words, your face lit up again. Jumping up, grapping me in your arms, we waltzed about the room. As we whirled and twirled, our exuberant laughter echoed off the walls. We made so much noise the next-door neighbors began to beat on the walls for us to cut down on the noise. Quieter, we continued our dance even when it took it's more intimate and far more sensual form. And in the end, we fell asleep, totally exhausted, intertwined each other's arms.

So much had changed in so short a time. Within a month you had changed from the dark and brooding vampire to the vivacious and rather talkative man that I had decided to live the rest of my life with. For all your hopes and desires of someday regaining your humanity Nick, I think you really believed that in the end the vampire would win. But it didn't. Though the beginning of your transformation was almost fatal for the both of us, I was proud that with my help, you had the chance to cross back over to mortality. And as the vampire faded away what lay hidden all those centuries came bubbling out.

Oh, how you changed, Nick. There was such lightness, such brightness about you that I had never seen before. With the vampire gone, so were the darkness, the sadness and that heavy burden of guilt. You were free, happy and so much in love, your soul shined brightly through your eyes. I couldn't help but be proud that I had been the one to help bring about this change in you. I did truly love you. I've never forgot how much.

Neither one of us wanted a big wedding just a few friends and the justice of the peace would do for now. Joe Reese was your best man and Grace and my sister in law were my maids of honor. I swear their smiles were bigger than their faces. Our two-week honeymoon—that was the only amount of time that either of our jobs could let us have off—in the Brabant region of the Netherlands was wonderful. Listening as you told me about the land of your birth, I finally understood the enormity of the changes you had witnessed in those eight hundred dark and lonely years.

Nick, you loved to make me laugh and your skill at doing it was something remarkable. Just with a single look or gesture to emphasize, you would have me laughing so hard tears would run from my eyes. I specially loved your pantomime of the barefoot and pregnant husband rushing to fix dinner before the Lady and Mistress of the house came in from work.

We had only five short months together.

That night when I sat on the cold, hard asphalt and held you in my arms I wondered why did it have to be this way. It was winter now and snow was falling. The ground around us was wet, turned crimson with your blood. I cried, I prayed, I begged "Please God, please don't take him away from me. We've only begun to have a life together".

As a wife, I hung on to every hope but as a doctor I knew there was none. The bullets had done their damage and your time was quickly running out.

And as my tears fell, the harsh light from the street lamp overhead made them shimmer like diamonds against the dark gold of your hair. That memory is still as clear today as it was that night over thirty years ago.

Waiting for the paramedics to arrive, you whispered to me. "Don't be angry, Natalie. Don't be bitter about what is happening. Mortality had its price. I knew I would have to pay it someday."

Even though I knew that people were rushing here and there around us it was as if the entire world was moving in slow motion. The snowflakes seemed to fall so slowly it appeared as if they were never going to touch the ground. It was so quiet too and in that silence only your voice made any impression.

Nick, you continued to beg me to understand. Not to waste the rest of my life blaming myself. I was to go on and live. You said your only regret was that our time together had been so short. Then you thanked me for my help, my understanding and, most of all, for my love. You then smiled, closed your eyes and left this life.

Oh Nick, when you died in my arms, a large part of me died with you.

The department gave you a grand send-off, a hero's funeral with the mayor and the police commissioner in attendance. I never saw any of your much older acquaintances at the ceremony even though I had notified them that they would be more then welcome and special arrangements would be made for their comfort. I guess when they had promised to stay out of your mortal life it included your death as well.

As per your request, I had your body cremated and the ashes sprinkled over Lake Ontario. I understood why you wanted this, a guarantee against the possibly of what little of the vampire still existed trying to force your body into a return to life.

You know Nick; I tried to keep my promise to you. I tried not to be angry, not to be resentful but I couldn't. I blamed everyone; from the paramedics for not coming in time to all the officers and civilians who survived that night of terror and the gun man whose drug crazed brain could see no other option but to shoot it out.

Also, I hated you Nick for leaving me with so much promise unfulfilled. But most of all, I hated my self for being the one that helped you win the mortality that in the end took you away from me.

As a new widow, I found staying in Toronto impossible. There was just too much to remind me of the past. So in the end, I moved west to start a new life. A couple of years later when I met Robert and I finally allowed myself to love again.

Nick, this necklace is the only part of that past I've kept with me. I've never been able to wear it since our wedding day. I just kept it locked away, hidden in darkness. But tomorrow that will change; in the morning my daughter is getting married. As something old and something borrowed, she will proudly wear this necklace on her wedding day.

I think it's about time I freed myself of this heavy burden of guilt that I've force myself to carry all these years. Nick, that's something I know you would agree with.

My daughter's name is Fleur and yes, I named her after your sister. She knows about you. Well, at least that part of your story I was sure she would believe and understand. You would like her Nick. She's a wonderful girl and has made me very proud. She's a doctor too, specializing in neuropharmacology. It saddens me to think if things had been different, she would have been yours.

It's true; you never forget that first love. Your Natalie never has and never will forget you. Nick, I know you are resting in peace.

The End


End file.
